I have had a few friends who have been having a crappy run for no reason other than the fact that sometimes life is just shit and deals you a rubbish hand.
Often in the past when someone is going through stuff that is hard to understand I have avoided it, especially if it’s to do with grief. I am terrible with grief think this was because when I was little and I had to go to a number of funerals I just pretended they were on holiday, this was a great coping mechanism then, now it just screws me up emotionally and I don’t know how to respond.
My new thing is to do the first nice thing I can think of it might be to make a homemade gift, send a card, drop off flowers or just to sit and listen. None of these things are hard to do but they seem to make a big difference to the recipient.
Yes, yes you all know this and it’s easy but sometimes I find that I have fantastic intentions and think ‘I should… send a card, bake a cake, do something nice’ then I get busy and then I just forget. So now I’m not should-ing, I’m doing!
Last week I dropped off a little something to a friend and I grinned like an idiot the whole way home. I had so much fun putting together this little gift, thinking about what might make her day and hoping that she’d like it even though it really doesn’t make her situation any better.
I also had a chat to a colleague, who I don’t know very well as I haven’t known her for very long. Just after Christmas her son was in a really bad accident and well it’s been a pretty shit month for her and her family. I sat and listened to her and then stayed a while and just talked about stuff. Nothing very interesting, just stuff. As I left she said thanks for listening.
I didn’t start making this conscious effort to be nice, I think that I am normally nice, but I am really enjoying trying to bring a little extra sunshine to my friends who might not be having the best time. I guess I am also fortunate to know how nice it feels to have beautiful friends do something for you when you aren’t in a great space.
If you have a favorite thing to do when a friend is struggling I’d love to hear what it is. Feel free to leave a comment x